Once Again I am Being Me

What I wanna write is about my life….it is just another way how to cope with my loneliness….hehehhehehe….sometimes loneliness teaches you how to build your character…..to be more independent, to build my self esteem, to observe myself from being stress and trying live by my own…..

Sometimes, I hate loneliness….hate it so much….because it is very painful….for those who already experienced it, u know it well….hum…..even though it is painful like you feel like you don’t belong here….but, I do appreciate it…..

Even I am quite lonely now, I know what I should do….. um, firstly, I am lonely because, my external just passed away,….huhuhuhuhu….it is gone…all the Korean movies, my favourite movies such as the oxford murder, matrix, dead poets society, beautiful mind and etc,….my anime collection also gone…huhuhuhuhu….quite painful when everything you lose what you loved…

Quite painful uh……but I am quite relieved because it teaches me new thing….so, I came up with this thought….the price that I have to pay for my mistakes is my happiness, but I am thankful because the mistakes give me a knowledge that worth than my happiness…..so I am not quite sad about losing everything because I realized that I am the one who are not good enough to take care of my external….moreover, the external was served me for more than 2 years…mungkin dia pond ah letih kan…hehehhe…so redha ja la…hehehe… 

After took my external from “kedai”, and time shows Zuhr is around the clock….so, I went to buy a paper and then straight to masjid……hum….after done with Zuhr prayer, I saw someone….my friend….with white clothes…..at that time I was thinking about me….compared to him, we just like sky and earth…..he is above than me…his name is Mohd Ikhwan bin Ahmad Zhaki….

He is currently studying in Australia… I really admired him…. He always go to masjid and has a congregational prayer….hum….bila la aku nak berubah???huhuhuhuhu…. I was in hurry, so I just took off early and about 3 o clock, I went to dental clinic and I have to “cabut” two of my teeth….hum, lepas ni pakai gigi palsu la pula…haahahaha…tu la..rajin makan coklat…

After done with the dental matters, I called Ikhwan and said that I wanna see him, so I went to his house….we have talked about many things and surely I am curious how the atmosphere at Australia…..and we have talked for a long time and after that I am quite regret because i have disturb his schedule…it was asr prayer, I think he wanted to go to masjid but I did not realize it… I am such a fool….

Em, he bought souvenirs for me from Australia…….he gave me key chains from Australia…..um, terharu juga la……that’s why I said that we are like earth and sky….the key chains are beautiful….

Um, with the lost of my external, I am quite bored la….furthermore, I haven’t message or call people for a long period…. I am not really utilize my prepaid….hahahhaha…I just bring my phones and wait for people to message or call…hahahahha…quite a boring life….because previously, I have someone not special to text and talk but, as we know, nothing eternal…… That someone juz someone that I can be myself….by the way, it was my fault to lose them….because words that have been uttered can’t be taken back or erased…that is the price I have to pay for my words…

So, I has spend my times listening to radio and reading…hehehehehe…that are the goods that I have received for giving up a friend…..hum…it was the hard one, the decision to let that person go and have “dia” happiness….and I know “dia” happy….that info juz good enough…coz I know that I have made a right decision….hum…ok la tu kan, saya bukan jenis suka pentingkan diri sangat pon…hehhehehe…tapi, sometimes tu ada la juga pentingkan diri…

Actually, I wanna write about my activity this night that is reading novel…..however, when I touch the keyboard, the are many things unrelated to my first motive are written….hahahaha…ok la, next post I will write about the novel….

Em, that’s all for now……it just a boring life which full of sadness and encounter with positive things…hehhehe…sometimes…. Sorry coz I am writing what have been wandering in my mind….

Written on 23 November 2010 around 10.00p.m